If you’ve ever left an interaction feeling depleted or energetically flat…
If you often leave a certain work or social environment feeling restless or confused…
If you’re exhausted from keeping up with the moods and needs of others…
Or maybe even a little resentful…
This article is for you.
Not all exhaustion is made equal, and not all types of exhaustion come from lack of sleep, or are even helped by sleep at all. In fact, the types of exhaustion we’re talking about here can even keep us from sleeping, even if our bodies are tired.
If you consider yourself a highly sensitive person, an empath, or maybe you’re not quite sure if you fall into this category, but you’re curious, keep listening, because in this episode we’re diving into the exhaustion of feeling other people’s energy, and how to begin refueling from this.
Let me start with a short personal story…
Growing up, I was an extremely sensitive child. This meant that I would feel upset, heavy, and bogged down anytime someone else around me was unhappy. And so being this sensitive child – but unaware that I was highly sensitive – I learned the pattern of feeling other people’s emotions for them (which is something we can’t actually do, but I tried), and doing whatever I could to help make that person feel better, even though it wasn’t really my responsibility to do that, and even if it overrode my own feelings. It often felt like taking weight onto my shoulders that was too heavy for me to carry.
Growing older, this led to people-pleasing tendencies, loss of self, confusion, and ultimately, depression and anxiety. By the time I was 18 years old, I was completely bogged down, mentally and physically exhausted, but still had no idea that I was highly sensitive and that I was picking up on other people’s emotions and energies the way that I was. I thought everyone was feeling the energies in a room the way that I was!
So, when I learned about the trait of high sensitivity, how it affects about 20% of the population, and how it means having a nervous system that is picking up on more subtle information than those without this trait; experiencing a greater depth of emotional feeling and processing; and having a natural sense of empathy, the clouds started to part, and I started learning the tools and practices I needed to keep myself clear of other people’s energies and support my nervous and energetic system (because, at the end of the day, it’s not our job to feel other people’s feelings for them).
Don’t get me wrong, I love how deeply I feel, and I love how deeply I care for not only the people that I love, but all beings (when I’m in a good place, that is!), but if we don’t have the awareness and self-care practices in place that we need as sensitive people, what happens is our system gets flooded, bogged down, and it leaves us exhausted, depleted, energetically flat, and confused.
Imagine a pipe that’s supposed to be running water, but we’re constantly putting grime and sticky substances down the pipe; the water is not going to be able to run through as well and, eventually, the water is going to get blocked altogether. This is sort of what’s happening when we’re energetically exhausted, absorbing, and keeping other people’s emotions in our system without letting them go.
I lived much of my life not even knowing or feeling what my own emotions were, because the emotions of others were felt so strongly for me. I would sort of replace my own emotional experience with someone else’s. And this led to a loss of self that had me often spiraling into confusion and seeking affirmation from outside of myself.
None of this is anyone’s fault, by the way, because there isn’t actually anything wrong or bad going on here. It’s just a matter of energetic dynamics and being aware of what’s really going on in the unspoken spaces between the words spoken, between the interactions…it’s those unspoken spaces between that us highly sensitives are really good at picking up on and that we’re often really attuned to.
So, how do we break this cycle of energetic exhaustion? How do we support ourselves to know what’s ours, and what’s not ours? How do we begin to let go of what is not ours to carry, so that we can live the authentic and vibrant life that we came here to live? And so that we can even KNOW and feel what it is that WE truly want and need?
I have a 3 step protocol for anyone reading this thinking, “yeah, I’m all tangled up in the emotions of my kids, my partner, my co-workers…I don’t even know what I want or need anymore! I find myself alone and feeling confused, disconnected, and craving something more…”
This is for you…
Step 1: Own Your Sensitivity!
If you’re resonating with what I’m sharing, chances are, you are a highly sensitive person. This means that your nervous system is more attuned to subtle information in the environment (including other people) and that you process emotional information a little differently, and a little deeper, than the non-highly sensitive person. But rather than seeing your sensitivity as a weakness or something you need to change, I encourage you to just be aware of it, own it, and start to embrace this aspect of yourself.
When we’re aware that we’re highly sensitive, this is the beginning of taking empowered steps to better self-care. In many ways, sensitivity is a gift that allows you to connect with the world on layers that most people have to strive for. But it can feel like a curse or a weight when it’s unconscious, and when we’re just tired all the time. I recommend books like ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’ by Elaine Aron as a great starting place to begin learning and owning this trait and unique aspect of yourself.
Step 2: Have a ritual or practice in place for letting go and coming back home to yourself
After a day (or even an hour) of socializing, working, or caring for your kids, etc., we can take time for ourselves to let go and begin the gentle return to our own energy.
This can look like going for a nature walk, taking a slow shower or bath (and btw, Epsom salt baths are a powerful way to energetically cleanse), having a mini tea ritual with yourself in which you smell the herbs and say a little affirmation when taking in your first sips, listening to a yoga nidra or a guided mindfulness meditation, journaling…
These little rituals and practices are powerful turning points; they signal to ourselves that we are now creating a boundary between where we have been and the people we’ve been interacting with, to now being in our own space, feeling our own energy. The rituals and practices that resonate with you might change day-to-day, and they might look completely different from the ones I’ve shared here. It’s been my experience that working with nature and the elements is a great way to reset. But if you’re energetically exhausted, I’d highly recommend an effortless, restful practice like yoga nidra to help you refuel.
When we spend even 5 or 10 minutes after socializing to create space for ourselves to transition and process the experience, we create room for us again. Energetic depletion is really a result of you missing yourself – and the remedy is simply to return in really small and intentional ways. These little acts of self-love compound overtime and have a wonderful effect on our self-esteem and self-connection. Overtime, our energy gets stronger and we actually build our capacity to be with others while maintaining our own energy.
Step 3: Practice your ‘no,’ and protect your boundaries
This one is a little nuanced because I believe it takes some self-reflection to discern where your boundaries even lie, but it begins with noticing the interactions that you’re having on a regular basis that tend to deplete and exhaust you. Do you spend time with a particular friend or co-worker and notice yourself flat or spiraling afterwards? Does a certain activity leave you feeling drained every time you go to it? These are patterns to be aware of – and it’s not about blaming anyone.
If someone or something is draining us, that does not mean we need to cut that person or activity out of our lives completely (unless that’s what we’re truly called to do). It often means just spending less time with that person or activity, having time boundaries around them, or communicating more clearly about your own needs.
For example, maybe that friend that you find energetically draining to be around is asking you out to activities that you just don’t want to do – practicing your ‘no’ and protecting your boundaries here could look like saying no to the activity, and suggesting something else that feels good for both of you. And if the friend doesn’t oblige, maybe you don’t have as much in common as you think!
Again, this is not about cutting people out. This is more about noticing our tendencies to people-please and yield. Because when we’re empathic and when we can feel other people’s emotions and energies, we sometimes override our own needs and desires to avoid making the other person uncomfortable, so that we don’t have to feel their discomfort! Such is the importance of parsing what is yours from what is not yours to carry. It’s not your responsibility to make sure everyone else is comfortable and happy all the time.
True relationship is about letting other people have their experience, and minding our own. So if you notice yourself getting all twisted up in order to go along with what someone else wants to do, this is an invitation to pause and protect your boundaries; when we don’t show up for ourselves, these behaviours are what will energetically drain you, and no amount of sleep is going to help with that self-disconnect.
This is a really big topic, and honestly, I could go on about subtle energy for hours – and I do, in fact, do that in my online Sanctuary Membership where I teach on these topics in-depth. The energetic layer is subtle, but powerful; it’s nuanced, and when we start to pay attention to the subtle mechanics and dynamics at play in our relationships, it’s quite eye-opening. So, be gentle with yourself if you’re noticing these patterns and awakening to new ways of showing up for yourself. Maybe you’re already leagues ahead in this field, but in any case, it’s a great reminder. There is no completion to the journey of self-awareness and self-care. It’s an ever-unfolding journey, and we often come back around to similar experiences with new eyes and new perspectives. And, hey, if you have your own usual tips to share in the comments below, please feel free! You never know who you can help today.
I hope that this article has supported you in some way, or left you with a little nugget of inspiration, or something new to explore. And, if you’re in that place of energetic exhaustion right now listening to this, just know that I see you, I understand, and I also want to offer you something that I’ve created just for highly sensitive women, because I know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed and disconnected, and it’s what drives me to share the work that I do here. It’s called The Rest Ritual, and it’s a free guided yoga nidra ritual that will gently take you from deep exhaustion to feeling more connected and grounded in yourself again in just 21 minutes. You can dive into that ritual right now here: Access The Rest Ritual.
Until next time, take good care of yourself, and remember to love yourself exactly as you are.
With Love,
jaylyn